Currently taking note of the things that bring me happiness, or a sense of positivity in general. There are not that many. Or, at least, not that many that I encounter daily. The list is short, but I shall hope it will get longer in time. Feel good movies are part of my escape plan. And calls with friends. Walking. Music can go either way these days. I've managed to put pressure on music, can you imagine? I get anxious about choosing the right song for the moment because I so heavily rely on it being the absolute right one. Not a good place to be, but this too shall get better. I've been wanting to start playing music again. I am closer to it than I have ever been in the past decade but still not there yet. Still scared. Failure has defined me in ways that I didn't realise before. But now I do. And that's a step forward anyways. I feel this past year has been formative for most, but part of me is still unsure about if I have made the most out of this opportunity. It sounds ridiculous hearing that, but still... There is this stillness that is getting a hold of me in the past fews days. A stillness that I have feared in the past, and still do. Sort of like a ghost that I can't quite deal with and it affects me greatly. Well at least the fear affects me. It is all in my head, I am well aware of that, but still... Doesn't make it any less real. What I seek is an outlet that would occupy my mind and, perhaps, bring some balance to my everyday thoughts. The situation is not helping at the moment, but I do hope for the best. I think we all do.
